youhavetohearit

Those wanting to more masterfully and effectively
influence others will spend thousands of dollars each
year learning the “right” words to say. While any
investment you make in yourself is sound, there is
one thing in particular that seems to limit how skillfully
someone will be able to persuade another.

I was surprised to discover that after spending
thousands of dollars over several years to learn the
“right” words to say, that the “right” words could only
be revealed by the customer. It was a humbling
experience indeed, to learn that in every interaction
with another person, they had always been “telling”
me exactly what I needed to do to persuade them.
When I say “telling” me, it would be more accurate to
say “communicating” to me.

There is a virtual treasure trove of non-verbal
communication or body language that is offered by
everyone we interact with, the problem is, we are
rarely aware of little more than the most exaggerated
of these signals. Then, when it comes to the words
they are using, it is perhaps more important to notice
which of those words has the most emphasis, is
spoken the loudest, the softest, or is spoken faster or
slower than the others.

I will be going into the nuances of non-verbal
communication in future articles, for now, I want to
address the primary reason we miss so many of the
“gold nuggets” of information offered by those we
want to persuade. It has been said that people don’t
listen, they simply plan what they will say when we
shut up! If you will reflect on the last time you were
listening to someone tell you about their day, I’m sure
you’ll find this usually applies to you as well.

It only seems logical to pre-plan what we will say next;
after all, we want to get it right, don’t we? While we’re
inside our head “planning” though, everything that
really matters is taking place on the outside…and we
are missing a significant part of it.

Allow me to demonstrate. I want you to count how
many times I use the word dog in the following: I was
just about to get out of my car, when a rather large
dog approached the left side of my vehicle. It’s not
that I think I should be afraid of the dog, but hey,
when they’re that big, it doesn’t hurt to be a bit
cautious.

Now, for the sake of this example, please keep your
eyes below the last paragraph and on this one while
you do the following. Take a moment and think, “how
many times did I use a word that started with “T” in
the previous paragraph?” For almost anyone reading
this article, unless you peeked back, you don’t have
a clue. Why? It’s really rather simple, I made sure
that as you read it, your attention would be riveted
elsewhere.

Internal dialog or talking to ourselves inside our head
while others are communicating will create a similar
result. A large part of the solution then, is to shut off
the needless chatter, and get back on the “outside”
where the real magic is occurring. But how? If you
have ever tried to get your head to go quiet, you’ve
most likely found that the harder you tried, the louder
it got. By understanding the physiological aspects of
how this takes place though, we can throw the switch
rather quickly, shutting off, or at the very least,
significantly reducing the inner noise.

One of the tricks used by mentalists and “mind
readers” is to watch the mouths of others while they
are thinking. Almost without fail, when someone is
thinking of the answer to a question, there are very
tiny micro movements that can be seen (if you know
what to look for) in the lips, tongue, and jaw of that
person. Because we use the tongue, lips and jaw
when we are really speaking, they have all become
neurologically wired into the actual thinking process.
So, if we are to effectively carry on conversations in
our head, we have to make miniscule tongue, lip, and
jaw movements. Otherwise, the ability to have
internal dialog gets “short circuited.” Ah ha, there we
find magic.

To consciously and intentionally “short circuit” the
chatter, it only requires that we do a few very simple
things. First, allow your lower jaw to get limp and
relaxed, dropping down about ½ inch or so. Next,
pretend as though you have a grain of rice on the tip
of your tongue, and that you want to gently hold it
against the roof of your mouth. That’s it, it’s that
simple. If you are actually doing this now, you should
find that while you are still able to “think”, it’s more
like a clear channel of awareness, rather than a
muddied stream of this and that, while you try to pay
attention to the “outside” world.

If you will make it a habit to disengage your internal
conversations while interacting with others, you’ll be
delighted to find just how much more you’re able to
pick up on. It is here (hear), in the information that
you are able to harvest now, that you’ll find true
persuasion mastery.

© Copyright 2007, Vincent Harris-All Rights Reserved.