threethings

Three Things Your Parents Never Told You
By Vincent Harris

When we were growing up, our parents were teaching us
about the things they thought would help us along our
journey of development. Many of the things they taught us
didn’t really have much impact until we had some sort of
clash with reality; we were attempting to prove their
teachings wrong, only to find out the hard way that they
were right.

What about the things they didn’t teach us though? Why
on earth would they choose to not teach us about
something? More often than not, it’s simply because it had
never been taught to them. Therefore, even if they “knew”
something on an intuitional level, it may have never made
its way into their conscious awareness.

Today we will take a look at three such “teachings” that
may have escaped you, your parents, and so on, for many
generations back.

Research tells us that almost everyone that is let go or
fired from a job is because of the inability to get along with
other people. It’s not because they don’t know how to do
their job…..it’s because of their poor people skills.

Perhaps one of the most useful skills we can develop for
getting along with others, is the skill of being able to
understand where others are coming from.

What Your parents never told you #1:

People do not wake up thinking, “I’m going to be a
mean person today!”

For almost every behavior that a person might engage in,
regardless how “insane” it may seem to you….they have a
positive outcome they are trying to achieve for
themselves. People have their reasons, and those
reasons have far more to do with them, than they do with
you.

If someone yells at you and insults you somehow, it has
more to do with what feelings they are trying to generate
for themselves ( pride, important, worthy, powerful) than it
does with how they cause you to feel with this behavior.
When you remember that it’s about them, and that you are
not really the focus of their tirade, it makes idiotic
behaviors much easier to take in stride.

What your parents never told you #2:
Most people are scared that they have spinach in
their teeth.

Have you ever walked into a room full of people and felt
that everyone was looking at and judging you? My Great
Uncle once told me, “Vince, when you walk into a room,
everyone else in that room is worried that everyone else is
looking at and judging them.” Most people are far too
caught up inside of their own heads, with their own fears
and insecurities, to be able to pay much attention to you.

What your parents never told you #3:
Most people are overall just like you, and therefore
have about the same experience.

Today there is so much focus on cultural diversity….
differences. Yet when we really look close, we discover
that we all have the same fears, joys, hurts, desires, etc.
As you begin to focus on how we are alike, and what
things you share in common with others, you’ll be
delightfully surprised to find how much easier it is to get
along with, and truly enjoy other people.

I invite you to take some time to think deeply about these
three seemingly obvious concepts. Upon examination,
most people find that as obvious as they may seem, they
had not been thinking about or using these ideas in their
day-to-day lives.

Until next week, you might benefit from asking the
following questions:

Who in my life have I always thought made it their goal to
be a mean and bitter person?

What might be behind their behavior? What experience
are they trying to create for themselves with this behavior?

How might I respond to and act towards others if I kept in
mind the fact that they are insecure about something too?

Of the people that I have a challenge getting along with,
what things do I have in common with this person/people?

How do my feelings change when I think about the things
we have in common?

If you benefit from answering these questions even half as
much as I did years ago, you will experience monumental
shifts in your life….Enjoy!

© Copyright 2006, Vincent Harris. All rights reserved.